Breaking: Putin Wins Election In France

MOSCOW — Several high ranking FSB officials have confirmed that President Vladimir Putin has triumphed in the first round of France’s presidential race, and is projected to win the second, third, fourth and fifth rounds as well.

Reports were that midday turnout for the first round has been less than thirty (30) percent, perhaps because French people may have projected a lasting hack in their democracy by the Russian leader.

In a brief statement given at the Kremlin, Putin expressed that he was honored to serve as France’s next president and looked forward to annexing all their baguettes.

Developing Story

Editorial Digest by Noah Anum-Satsi

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